The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
