im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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