I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
