gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
