Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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