Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is the high leading the old right now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
