I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
