Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What drink are we having for lunch?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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