I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
