it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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