My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's shark week go big or go home
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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