last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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