Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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