She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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