Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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