my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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