trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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