My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
