my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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