Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
