I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
