Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
