Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
