yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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