Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
