you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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