He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
