Cold hands, warm shart.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
