just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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