I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
