His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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