At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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