I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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