Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
