3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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