Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am one with the molecules
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
