So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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