need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
