apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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