I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize