I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He did a backflip because drugs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
