I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
