I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
