What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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