You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
