just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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