Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
