if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
