I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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