Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
