i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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