Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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