Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
