closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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