One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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