WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
