It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You ruined the universe
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
