so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Someone shattered a urinal.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
