Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dicks are not precious.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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