i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
