Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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