I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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