New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
