If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
