Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
