Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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