does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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