I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
