We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
