Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
