You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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