I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
