Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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