she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My dick has a subreddit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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