I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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