you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She bit a glass in half.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
